|wishing you were here
||[Oct. 10th, 2006|05:01 am]
Well it is 5am in the morning and I can't sleep, I wish there was a way I could tell her how I feel. But at the same time I feel like there is nothing I can do. Being single is probably the most worst feeling for me right now. Not knowing what to look for in a relationship only makes it ten times more aweful. I still have so many feelings and thoughts that I am utterly confused what to do, or even what I can say. The females I do talk to are not even willing to give me the time of day. However at the same time I want a girl to fill the void in my life. I have an empty hole in-side of me. Why can't I just wish away the feelings I have for her. Nothing else should be there, but for some odd reason I still miss her, I can't stand to be around her and yet I can't stand to not be near her. I hate what I am saying however I still feel as though I love her. How stupid can I be to feel this way. Why can't I let go of everything that reminds me of her.
I listened to the cd that she made me over five months ago and it almost made me cry, well I think it did make me cry. This odd pain in my chest won't go away. I don't expect her to talk to me cause, it only irritates her too. Being single and not getting married is the worst thing I can think of happening to me, let alone another person. How can this be? That is something I can't understand. I have been laying in bed for two hours and I still can't get any sleep. I feel like I am haunted by the memories of my past. I hate this so much, I just want to know that my life will be so much better, but I feel like everything is the same and there is nothing I can do.
Oh my what a useless life I live, I am so unhappy but happy at the same time. I can make myself happy but its in the time of when I need to sleep that I can't cause I am lost in memories sweet memories. haha I laugh at my self for how stupid I am being right now. I wish my life could go on and I could wish away all my feelings and thoughts and emotions. However I am human and this is how I think. I feel like I am at the lowest I could have ever been today. I fear that my life has gone down the toilet and there is nothing I can do. blahblah blah..... ............
This is where I end it!